I’m Beginning In The Middle Of The End

Often I find my mind asking myself “How did this happen?”  I’m in an amazing relationship.  I found love when I finally stopped looking.  In the most unexpected of places. 

Christina was my straight friend.  She served me Starbucks.  We occasionally had lunch together and met at the park so that our puppies could play.  She had a live in boyfriend, which as I had heard, she was engaged to.  Her companionship never crossed my mind in that way. 

There was a Valentines day, two years ago where she left flowers and a card on my truck.  She knew I was having some relationship issues.  My girlfriend hadn’t been treating me the best at the time, and she wanted to give me a reason to smile.  It was so sweet, I remember shedding tears. 

Time went by, and my relationship began to fail.  Christina and I grew apart a little.  I had transferred with my job, and we just no longer crossed paths.  My relationship ended in November 2007. 

January 30, 2008 I received a text message that said What if I said I wanted to fuck you?  I assumed this message was sent in some kind of drunken stupor.  This was my straight friend.  She couldn’t have possibly intended for me to get the message.  It had to have been meant for one of her boy friends.  I waited until the next morning, and responded.  I asked if she was intoxicated.  Her answer was no.

We decided to have dinner, to discuss her intentions behind the text message.  She came over to my place.  She revealed that she had a crush on me for two years.  She highlighted all of the instances where she had been flirting with me. The flowers on my truck, grabbing my knee under the table at a company dinner, asking for some help with changing the jewelry in her nipple piercings. 

The pieces all started to fit together.  We spent Valentines day together this year.  We exchanged practical gifts, I cooked one of her favorites without knowing she even liked the dish.  We had some awkward moments that night. 

Christina revealed to me that she had been seeing a married man for the past 6 or 7 years.  She asked me if I had a problem with her sleeping with him at the same time that she was sleeping with me.  Of course this ruffled my feathers. 

See, I’m what they call a serial monogamist.  I have been in love with every single woman I’ve slept with.  I can still count all of my partners on one hand.  I am 23 years old. 

But, I told her no, it’s ok.  He’s safe.  This is just platonic sex.  We’re using the buddy system.  We’re hepling each other out.  You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours.  That’s what the relationship was.  Purely sexual. 

See, Christina was still trying to figure herself out.  She wasn’t too sure about the lesbian thing.  She knew she had an attraction to a few women through the years, but nothing she ever really acted on. 

We slept together on Valentines day.  For the first time.  At the risk of sounding cliche, it was amazing.  She touched me in ways I never thought I would enjoy.  She taught me a lot in one night, which is funny because I’m the experienced one in this equation. 

I’m a firm believer that sex without emotion is no substitute for love.  I confused my emotions by sleeping with her.  I couldn’t keep it platonic.  I had feelings.  Feelings I had to let out. 

I few weeks went by, and we started seeing each other daily.  That was more time with me, and less time with her married boyfriend.  She phased him out slowly.  She never slept with him in the time that we had starting seeing each other.  She had a couple more dinners with him, as a friend.  Apparently, he’s not to kind of guy you can just dump.  He has some abandonment issues.  She let him down slowly and gently.  Alas, she told him shes seeing me.

He wasn’t happy for her.  He has no desire to run in to me on the street.  He got dumped.  I guess you can’t blame him.  Now, he can focus on his own wife and daughter. 

Once he had been phased out carefully, I allowed myself to feel all of the emotions I wanted to feel.  I was feeling love.  I was starting to actually believe that Christina would be something to me.  We just might be entitled to a life together. 

Then one night while I was dropping her off after dinner at a friends, she turned to me and said “I think I love you”  my response was “I know I love you.”  The rest is history

She started coming out to her family.  Once they had all been brought up to speed, I didn’t feel like a mistresses mistress anymore.  I felt like the person that Christina really wanted to be with.  And I wanted to be with her, too.

We had a few more things to work through.  She had told me that after her experience with her ex fiance, she wasn’t ever going to be able to live with anyone ever again.  This stung a little.  A life with her is what I was starting to dream of. 

This worked itself out too, after we took a 5 day vacation together.  Taking a vacation with someone is a good gauge on whether or not you’ll be able to live with/tolerate them long term.  She passed her test, and I passed mine. 

The vacation was wonderful.  We got tattoos while we were down there.  Both lotus’.  Not matching.  They’re the same design, but very different.  Christina’s is more realistic, feminine and pretty.  Mine has a new school feel about it.  They’re gorgeous. 

She moved in to my house last month.  Things couldn’t be better.  I love waking up beside her every morning.  I couldn’t ask for more.